Resolutions

New Year’s Resolution: Be your own person.         

I am easily influenced by other people. If they have a negative attitude, I have a negative attitude. If they have an opinion, my opinion reflects theirs. I’m very indecisive and need approval from others. I sit back and listen a lot. I’m not in the action; I sit on the side and am afraid to get involved because if I do, I might make a fool out of myself. I’m afraid of being judged because my whole life before high school, people have been judging me. I want that to change this year.

Last year was a pretty hard year for me. A lot of things happened that just piled up and made me lose sight of who I was. They were all little things, but they kept happening and building up on each other and I just couldn’t take it anymore. Before I knew it, I was a whole different person. I was looking at everything from a negative point of view. I was worried about how I looked to other people. I let other people’s opinions of themselves affect my self esteem. I stopped talking. Whenever I was with other people I was listening to the conversation instead of participating in it. This made my friends stop including me in things because I wasn’t fun anymore which made me feel like crap. Instead of trying to get involved more, I just isolated myself and stopped wanting be included. I felt so lonely but I didn’t know what to do about it and I didn’t have any motivation to do anything about it either. My school work also started to suffer. It wasn’t like astronomical, but I stopped going above and beyond. I got a bit behind, was a bit lost, and stopped wanting to try. I did the bare minimum to get my A’s. I even got my first B+ last trimester. I wanted to get back to the way I used to be, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I just kept procrastinating. I’m even procrastinating as I write this. I made a whole schedule of homework for break and I was going to be über productive, but I didn’t follow it. I know that my decision doesn’t have any immediate consequences (besides guilt), but after my super busy week coming up, I’m going to be really behind and am going to have to go through hell to catch up.

This year I need to forget what other people think and just stay myself. I need to ignore everyone else and focus on myself, my opinions, and my self esteem. I need to get my self confidence back. I had so many crappy things happen to me last year, but I need to learn from them, and move on. “Don’t let the past dictate the future.” I’m going to move forward and not look back. I’m not going to care what other people think and I’m not going to let their self-consciousness affect me. I like myself and I wouldn’t want to change anything about me. I just need to get back to the real me and let go of all the unnecessary baggage I’ve accumulated this past year. (543 words)